Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Reflections on a Week of Motherhood




My little Quin is already 9 days old! He’s growing up so fast!
Having a Quin come into my life has been one of the most spiritual things that has ever happened to me. I know I can never truly understand how Heavenly Father and Jesus feel, but this is closer than I’ve ever been before.

            My understanding of my personal need as well as my family’s need for the atonement has grown immensely. I have also gained a deeper understanding of Heavenly Father’s plan of happiness. Quin wanted to come to Earth to obtain a mortal body and gain experience from this life. He was there with me in the grand council in heaven and shouted for joy with me when we learned about the plan. He and I wanted the Savior’s plan and free agency. Quin’s choice was to come to this lovely home on Earth. I have a feeling that he was ready to come here. I am really glad that he was not induced, although I wanted him to be and actually did have the midwife try to strip my membranes (I wasn’t dilated enough for her to do it). I attribute his calm, alert demeanor to him being prepared for life outside the womb. Or maybe he inherited his daddy’s type B personality. 


           
            The only way for our family to be together again is if we accept the gospel and repent. I want to be with Quin and Michael forever, and now more than ever, my mom. I am thankful that Jesus was and is always there for me and continually gives his gift to me from Gethsemane. He loves me and my family so much that he provided a way for us to be reunited, to each other and our Heavenly Family, at great personal cost. He still loves me even though I make mistakes.
           
            My understanding of what forgiveness means has grown. There is nothing Quin could ever do that I couldn’t forgive him for. He keeps me up at night making physical demands, but that makes me love him even more. I love being there for him and being able to meet his needs.  I am deeply frustrated with myself and feel completely inadequate when I’m not able to meet them. 



            I have realized that the greatest service you could ever provide for someone is to be their parent. I am so grateful to my parents for being willing to provide such selfless service to little blob named Jessica who entered their lives 21 ½ years ago. My mom is still serving me, the big blubbering mess of a first time mom. She still meets my needs so well and with such willingness. I’m thankful to have a mom who loves me as much as my mom does and I hope I can love Quin in the same way.


2 comments:

  1. So happy for you, Jessica, and love you more than ever. Quin is lucky to have such loving and spiritual parents.

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  2. Your understanding of the Plan of Happiness is a comfort to me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts---really, your testimony.

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